Your most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.

Do you ever feel like you have to be perfect?  Do you ever feel like you get that message from others?  Do you sense that you need to be perfect for… acceptance, credit, or love?  Perhaps others do not come right out and say it, but I’m guessing you have walked away with that feeling a time or two… or quite often. 

Think about the times you have felt that need to be perfect…

Perhaps you wrote something and found yourself not putting it out there because of what others might think.  After all, it wasn’t “perfect” enough.  Maybe you were having family or friends over to your home and you tried to make sure your house looked perfect.  It could have been an attempt to make something, plan something, decorate something…  You planned and planned – and then planned some more – just to make sure whatever it was had the perfect seal of approval.

Perfect may even be an idea you have found yourself saying on occasion.  Have you ever said, “I just want this to be perfect” for a wedding… a dinner party… an open house… an appointment… Christmas Day… a family vacation?  The list goes on and on.   

I want you to be aware what is REALLY going on for you.  What’s driving your need to be perfect?  I promise you this: it is not serving you. You are only setting yourself up to fail.   Perfection is not possible.

Here’s the truth about perfection:

Trying to be perfect is about trying to protect yourself.  It is an inner belief that says, “If I am perfect then you can’t hurt me.  No one will be disappointed in me.  No one cannot like me.”  This isn’t necessarily a conscious thought.   It is your fear that is driving you. 

The next time you find yourself trying to “be perfect” ask yourself these questions…

What is your fear?  You won’t be loved?  You won’t be good enough?  Others won’t think of you the way you want?

Whatever it is, it isn’t reality.  When you appease your fear, you give your power away.  Who cares what people think?  Can you really control that anyway? 

Besides… the idea of perfect has been flawed in the first place.  Somewhere along the line, we developed the notion that perfection means “without flaw.”  I prefer a better definition of perfect, one that is more true to the original intent of the word.  I prefer to define perfect as the idea of “moving toward completion.”  Yeah… I like that much better.

In what ways are you moving toward completion today?  I can promise you that thinking in this way in far more rewarding, more satisfying and less burdensome.  No longer is the emphasis on what others think… the emphasis is now on you and your journey toward that which brings you joy.

And… along the way, your old need to be “perfect” lessens, as does that feeling you get from others.  You find power in moving toward completion, not living a life without flaw.

In the end, keep your power.  Believe in you.  Know that you ARE good enough.  And walk the journey without fear…

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.

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Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.

I welcome the lull.

You know… the “lull.” It’s that very short reflective day or two you get between Christmas and New Year’s. So here I am, reflecting back on 2013 and considering some questions that have always intrigued me when I hit the year-end. I thought I would share them so you might ask yourself the same and see how you answer…

Question #1 – Was it worth it?

All the stress… all the hustle and bustle… all the plans, to-do lists, agendas, goals, and feelings that accompanied “I have to get this taken care of”… Was it worth it? Or… did my efforts match my goals and did I reach them with a degree of reasonableness that limited stress in a way that I could smell the roses along the way?

Question #2 – Did I accomplish what I really wanted to accomplish?

Did I attend to the things that really matter or did I spend way too much time on things that I told myself really needed to matter in the moment? My goals, dreams, and plans for 2013… did I achieve them?

Question #3 – Am I more of who I want to be today than I was at this same time last year?

I set out to be the best me in 2013. Did I do it? Am I a better “me” today than I was a year ago? Am I living out my authentic self in a way that it truly who I am and aspire to be?

Question #4 – What are the successes I enjoyed this last year?

I am proud of myself for many things. What are they? Where did I shine? Where did I find success, joy, contentment, happiness, and abundance? Where are the areas that I am proud of me?

Question #5 – What do I want of me going forward?

I fill my life with expectations. Some of those I haven’t met yet. What are they? Which ones are important going forward? Are there any that I need to let go of because they no longer are relevant or matter as much as I thought they did?

I encourage you to enjoy the lull and take the time to reflect on 2013. Too many people engage the busyness of life and never really reflect in a way that matters. And so, they end up repeating a life they really never wanted in the first place.

I know this one thing for sure: there is a life that wants to live in you. The real question is… is the life that wants to live in you the one you are really living?

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.

  “I will never be good enough.”

As a life coach, if I could have a dollar for every time I have heard that phrase come from someone’s mouth… well… let’s just say the stack of dollars would be extremely high.

And sad.  It’s time to move beyond.

The voice of toxic shame within people is the singular biggest destructive force I know. I remember listening to Dr. David Augsburger discuss this in great detail at a conference once and I was amazed to hear the proliferation of the idea in his practice.

I fully understand now his point from my own experience in working with clients. The only good thing to do with toxic shame is to treat it like the farmers do when things are old, tired and broken…

Take it out back and shoot it.

Toxic shame has no place in your life. It does not serve you. It does not help you, aid you, assist you or get you to where you want to go. It has one job and one job only: to derail you from your goals and dreams.

Toxic shame is the idea that you are fundamentally flawed. It is the thing inside you that whispers “You aren’t worth it” or “Who could ever love you?” or “You will never be good enough.” Toxic shame is a lie within you that builds and builds and builds until it feels like truth.

Here’s the REAL truth: You ARE worth it. You ARE lovable. You ARE plenty good enough.

It is important to understand the difference between the kind of shame I am talking about and the idea of ‘guilt.’  Shame is the force that attempts to destroy your sense of self. Guilt is the radar that lets you know if you’re “off” on something you should have done differently.

For example, guilt is when you order that old-fashioned glazed donut to go with your morning Starbucks and you can feel that tinge inside of you – the tinge that knows you are about to do something you know you shouldn’t (“But it tastes SOOOOO good…”). Shame is the whisper going off inside you at that same moment that says, “Go ahead and eat it. It’s not like anyone thinks you are attractive anyway. You might as well continue on your fat journey…”

 Can you tell the difference?

Successful people refuse to allow toxic shame to dominate their lives. Instead, they replace the voice of shame with a voice of self-appreciation. While it can be a difficult task, I know you can do it. Honestly, if there was ever an issue that was worth hiring a life coach to help you through, this would be the big one. And the reason is pretty simple…

You are worth it.

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.