Your most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.

Do you ever feel like you have to be perfect?  Do you ever feel like you get that message from others?  Do you sense that you need to be perfect for… acceptance, credit, or love?  Perhaps others do not come right out and say it, but I’m guessing you have walked away with that feeling a time or two… or quite often. 

Think about the times you have felt that need to be perfect…

Perhaps you wrote something and found yourself not putting it out there because of what others might think.  After all, it wasn’t “perfect” enough.  Maybe you were having family or friends over to your home and you tried to make sure your house looked perfect.  It could have been an attempt to make something, plan something, decorate something…  You planned and planned – and then planned some more – just to make sure whatever it was had the perfect seal of approval.

Perfect may even be an idea you have found yourself saying on occasion.  Have you ever said, “I just want this to be perfect” for a wedding… a dinner party… an open house… an appointment… Christmas Day… a family vacation?  The list goes on and on.   

I want you to be aware what is REALLY going on for you.  What’s driving your need to be perfect?  I promise you this: it is not serving you. You are only setting yourself up to fail.   Perfection is not possible.

Here’s the truth about perfection:

Trying to be perfect is about trying to protect yourself.  It is an inner belief that says, “If I am perfect then you can’t hurt me.  No one will be disappointed in me.  No one cannot like me.”  This isn’t necessarily a conscious thought.   It is your fear that is driving you. 

The next time you find yourself trying to “be perfect” ask yourself these questions…

What is your fear?  You won’t be loved?  You won’t be good enough?  Others won’t think of you the way you want?

Whatever it is, it isn’t reality.  When you appease your fear, you give your power away.  Who cares what people think?  Can you really control that anyway? 

Besides… the idea of perfect has been flawed in the first place.  Somewhere along the line, we developed the notion that perfection means “without flaw.”  I prefer a better definition of perfect, one that is more true to the original intent of the word.  I prefer to define perfect as the idea of “moving toward completion.”  Yeah… I like that much better.

In what ways are you moving toward completion today?  I can promise you that thinking in this way in far more rewarding, more satisfying and less burdensome.  No longer is the emphasis on what others think… the emphasis is now on you and your journey toward that which brings you joy.

And… along the way, your old need to be “perfect” lessens, as does that feeling you get from others.  You find power in moving toward completion, not living a life without flaw.

In the end, keep your power.  Believe in you.  Know that you ARE good enough.  And walk the journey without fear…

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.

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Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.

  “I will never be good enough.”

As a life coach, if I could have a dollar for every time I have heard that phrase come from someone’s mouth… well… let’s just say the stack of dollars would be extremely high.

And sad.  It’s time to move beyond.

The voice of toxic shame within people is the singular biggest destructive force I know. I remember listening to Dr. David Augsburger discuss this in great detail at a conference once and I was amazed to hear the proliferation of the idea in his practice.

I fully understand now his point from my own experience in working with clients. The only good thing to do with toxic shame is to treat it like the farmers do when things are old, tired and broken…

Take it out back and shoot it.

Toxic shame has no place in your life. It does not serve you. It does not help you, aid you, assist you or get you to where you want to go. It has one job and one job only: to derail you from your goals and dreams.

Toxic shame is the idea that you are fundamentally flawed. It is the thing inside you that whispers “You aren’t worth it” or “Who could ever love you?” or “You will never be good enough.” Toxic shame is a lie within you that builds and builds and builds until it feels like truth.

Here’s the REAL truth: You ARE worth it. You ARE lovable. You ARE plenty good enough.

It is important to understand the difference between the kind of shame I am talking about and the idea of ‘guilt.’  Shame is the force that attempts to destroy your sense of self. Guilt is the radar that lets you know if you’re “off” on something you should have done differently.

For example, guilt is when you order that old-fashioned glazed donut to go with your morning Starbucks and you can feel that tinge inside of you – the tinge that knows you are about to do something you know you shouldn’t (“But it tastes SOOOOO good…”). Shame is the whisper going off inside you at that same moment that says, “Go ahead and eat it. It’s not like anyone thinks you are attractive anyway. You might as well continue on your fat journey…”

 Can you tell the difference?

Successful people refuse to allow toxic shame to dominate their lives. Instead, they replace the voice of shame with a voice of self-appreciation. While it can be a difficult task, I know you can do it. Honestly, if there was ever an issue that was worth hiring a life coach to help you through, this would be the big one. And the reason is pretty simple…

You are worth it.

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.

  I read a Malcolm Gladwell quote recently and it made me stop and think. He said, “The visionary starts with a clean sheet of paper and re-imagines the world.” I like that.

Of course, when it comes to being the visionary of your own life, it only works if you can find a clean sheet of paper in your brain.

That’s where culture comes in. So many of us feel trapped by our culture. Or, at least, hindered. The expectations of us, whether real and spoken or imagined and silent, seize any and all time and energy within us to reinvent ourselves. We feel chained to those expectations often – especially as women – and wonder if life will ever be different than it is now.

Well… it can be.

As someone who measures success based on results, the key to dealing with our cultural expectations is to ask yourself, “Is this expectation producing in me the life I have always wanted?” If anything but a ‘Yes’ results from that question, why would you want to hold onto it?

Culture is created by people. Aside from religious beliefs you hold to tightly, family rules you have accepted, or promises your have made, why would you allow anything else to have a grip on the vision of your life? Create your own culture. It is a key component of creating a life you love.

Have you ever thought about the culture you create? I’m sure you have spent time thinking about the culture you live in or inherited or ascribe to… but have you consciously thought about the culture you create for you?

I’ll admit, there are cultural influences and forces at play that neither you nor I have control over. Oh well. Honestly… those have a lot less power in our lives than we tend to think they do.

My husband is a big John Wooden fan and he shared with me a quote from Coach Wooden that I LOVE. Coach said, “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.”

What we CAN do is create a culture around us that further enhances a life we love. What we CAN do is put boundaries on outside cultural forces that don’t serve us well. What we CAN do is recognize the voice of culture in our heads and determine if that voice is truly who we really are and want to be.

Choose what you CAN do. That’s the culture you want to create…

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.

  You ever had someone’s voice stuck inside your head?

Like when it involves your family.

I hope that your family gave you good things to hear growing up and I hope those tracks play repeatedly in your brain.  If so, consider yourself grateful.  More often than not, I coach clients who didn’t get to hear those types of things. The words they have heard from their family have caused damage and even derailed pieces of their lives for years.

Whose voice is in your head? (Joan Sotkin has a great article on this… http://prosperityplace.com/listening-to-your-inner-voice/).

Our goal is to live from our own voice… our own space… our own understanding of ourselves. However… if too many other voices occupy space in our brain, our own can get drowned out very quickly. It is hard to hold onto yourself when you are holding onto everyone’s else opinions of you. Even beyond that, it is hard to find your voice when you have practiced listening to someone else’s for so long.

I love my mom. She’s great. But we are definitely different. As I became my own woman, I found myself often at odds with her voice in my head. Her convictions weren’t necessarily mine. Her beliefs weren’t necessarily mine. Her views on who a woman should be in this world weren’t necessarily mine. And while neither of our views are better than the others’, I found myself often conflicted over my own thoughts of myself and who I was supposed to be. Was my mom right? Am I right? How do I know the difference?

Finding your voice amidst a sea of voices that cascade on you every day may be the greatest awareness task you will face. I am thankful that I was successful in finding my voice within me. In my role as a success coach, I find that this is often one of the first tasks that I work on with clients. I help them become aware of what they are thinking and help them identify whose voice that really is. If it is authentically their own, we can celebrate and move on. If it isn’t… then some work needs to be done.

Track yourself today. When those thoughts pop up that get you derailed or send you down the slippery staircase, ask yourself: “Is the voice I am hearing that echoes this thought really mine?”

If the answer is “Yes”, embrace it. If the answer is “No”, acknowledge it, set it on the shelf, and move on.

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.

This is a fabulous, educational and inspirational day for teen girls and their moms (or guardians/grandmothers/aunts/mentors) to dream big and get the tools, plans, encouragement and inspiration to make their bright futures happen.

Also, during the Summit’s luncheon we will be awarding 4 girls the Brilliant Beautiful and Bold Role Model Award!

For more information:

-BBB Role Model Award information: http://www.girlsrulefoundation.org/awards.html

-Register for the Summit here: http://girlsrulesummit2013.eventbrite.com/

-View our nomination video here:  http://youtu.be/QnC5AEFmZeQ

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.