Do you have consistent confidence?

It takes Courage

Your most important relationship is the one you have with yourself.

Do you ever feel like you have to be perfect?  Do you ever feel like you get that message from others?  Do you sense that you need to be perfect for… acceptance, credit, or love?  Perhaps others do not come right out and say it, but I’m guessing you have walked away with that feeling a time or two… or quite often. 

Think about the times you have felt that need to be perfect…

Perhaps you wrote something and found yourself not putting it out there because of what others might think.  After all, it wasn’t “perfect” enough.  Maybe you were having family or friends over to your home and you tried to make sure your house looked perfect.  It could have been an attempt to make something, plan something, decorate something…  You planned and planned – and then planned some more – just to make sure whatever it was had the perfect seal of approval.

Perfect may even be an idea you have found yourself saying on occasion.  Have you ever said, “I just want this to be perfect” for a wedding… a dinner party… an open house… an appointment… Christmas Day… a family vacation?  The list goes on and on.   

I want you to be aware what is REALLY going on for you.  What’s driving your need to be perfect?  I promise you this: it is not serving you. You are only setting yourself up to fail.   Perfection is not possible.

Here’s the truth about perfection:

Trying to be perfect is about trying to protect yourself.  It is an inner belief that says, “If I am perfect then you can’t hurt me.  No one will be disappointed in me.  No one cannot like me.”  This isn’t necessarily a conscious thought.   It is your fear that is driving you. 

The next time you find yourself trying to “be perfect” ask yourself these questions…

What is your fear?  You won’t be loved?  You won’t be good enough?  Others won’t think of you the way you want?

Whatever it is, it isn’t reality.  When you appease your fear, you give your power away.  Who cares what people think?  Can you really control that anyway? 

Besides… the idea of perfect has been flawed in the first place.  Somewhere along the line, we developed the notion that perfection means “without flaw.”  I prefer a better definition of perfect, one that is more true to the original intent of the word.  I prefer to define perfect as the idea of “moving toward completion.”  Yeah… I like that much better.

In what ways are you moving toward completion today?  I can promise you that thinking in this way in far more rewarding, more satisfying and less burdensome.  No longer is the emphasis on what others think… the emphasis is now on you and your journey toward that which brings you joy.

And… along the way, your old need to be “perfect” lessens, as does that feeling you get from others.  You find power in moving toward completion, not living a life without flaw.

In the end, keep your power.  Believe in you.  Know that you ARE good enough.  And walk the journey without fear…

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.

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Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.

We live in a world where the train moves fast.

But nothing derails the train faster than indecision.

We all have our moments where we can’t make a decision. In a life with so many options… so many choices… so many possibilities… often, the cumulative affect is a paralyzing time warp of indecision. We get lost in the shuffle, stuck on the universal pause button, hoping that the “right” next move or thought will clear it all up.

Or, it just drives us crazy.

So what creates indecision in our lives? As a counselor and personal life trainer, I have often found it is created by two distinct things:

1) The unknown. One of the toughest things about life is not knowing what you don’t know. We like understanding outcomes, but when the outcomes are unclear indecision can get triggered.

Right now as a family, we are facing the decision of which high school our kids should attend. We have two solid choices, but each has their pros and cons. We have toured both schools, talked to teachers and coaches, evaluated performance measures and talked to several other parents and students to gather their feedback. Our compilation of information is impressive, but it all leads to one very significant thing: we just don’t know which school provides the best outcome for our kids. There is no way of knowing which school will be the best in the end. It’s a 50/50 gamble and one we have been stewing over for months now.

And here’s the thing: I hate gambling with my kids’ future because their future really matters to me.

The unknown leads to uncertainty which leads to indecision.

2) Fear. Nothing reveals its ugly head through fear more than that creeping thought of regret over having made the wrong decision once you embark on the road of the “future” you are so uncertain over.

Fear begets present regret over a future decision which hasn’t even been made. It’s the perfect formula for indecision.

Decisions sometimes feel like they carry the weight of the world with them.

The truth is, that is a lie. But yet we believe it all the time. I suppose that is why a restaurant’s menu can sometimes feel like a prison rather than a multitude of savory possibilities when trying to make a decision on what to order – we put far too much weight on a present decision because an eternal perspective escapes us underneath the crushing weight we’ve created.

Fear in the sense I’ve described stirs up a wonderful recipe of overanalyzing. We over-process the options to death trying to figure out the right combination.

Why do we do this?

Simply… we are doing everything we can to protect ourselves.

We want protection from future hurts, disappointments, pain, loss, and failures. It’s interesting, isn’t it? If we are honest, we have all made “right” decisions and still encountered hurt, disappointment, pain, loss and failure. Why? Because others have choices, too, and sometimes… life just happens. Some stuff you can control… some stuff you can’t.

The reality of indecision is that it all comes down to trust. Can you and I trust ourselves enough – and God as well – that our best interests and the things we want can all work out? Can we find enough freedom in trust to know that the path we choose — through intentional thought and prayer – will ultimately work out for us?

The next time you find yourself being indecisive, ask yourself… “Who or what am I not trusting?” You just might have the best clue on how to get your train right back on the track…

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.

It’s probably a pretty good time to ask that question, now that the holidays have come and gone… the time stamp on New Year’s resolutions being fulfilled has passed… and life has gone back to “normal” — that is, the normal one has come to expect in life.

But is ‘normal’ the life you really want to live?

I love motivated people. They are fresh, vibrant, excited… and yet, I know motivation isn’t enough. There is strategy, information, education, planning, assessment… all of these go into making people a success. Motivation is the energy behind it all, but all of those elements are needed.

But even motivated people can get derailed from time to time. There are things in life — pressures, stress, relationships, money, to name a few — that seemingly hold us back from where we really want to go. They grab hold of us and we often feel like we can’t shake them. It’s like the line from the the old U2 song, “You’re stuck in a moment and you can’t get out of it.”

So… what’s holding you back? I am willing to guess that something immediately came to mind. If that’s the case, odds are it has been chewing on you for awhile. There are an infinite amount of things that hold folks back. However, I find that for many, moving past previous failures or traumas are right at the top of the list. It’s like the event that took place was too crushing… too devastating… too demoralizing to overcome. And so, those folks stay stuck living life backward hoping it will change their future.

From my work with lots of people, here are three tips to moving past previous failures:

1) Get help. That sounds simple, but so many people choose to hang on to the shame or injustice that occurred because they can’t bear the thought of letting someone else in on their private self-sabotage. And honestly, that’s exactly what hanging onto the past negatively is — self-sabotage. The truth is, there are wonderful people who are willing to help — professionals, clergy, good friends. In my own work with clients, I consider it an absolute privilege to guide them past that which holds them back. There’s no judgment, no shame… just a wonderful opportunity to step into someone’s story and move them ahead to the life they really want.

2) Squeeze the joy out of every moment. When people look backward and are fixated on the “thing” that happened way back when, they get caught missing out on the present. A day-by-day, moment-to-moment tip is to intentionally tell yourself “I am going to squeeze as much joy out of this next _______________.” (fill in the blank… endeavor, meeting, homework assignment, household chore, conflict, etc.). As you go through your day repeating your mantra, you will find yourself focusing more on the present. When you focus more on the present you focus less on the past, because now your attention is devoted to finding joy in whatever situation or scenario you encounter. Just a simple reframe of your mindset toward joy in the present moment can begin to shift your awareness toward moving ahead.

3) Be mindful of the way you feel. Again, this sounds simple. And yet, how many people wander through each day completely unaware of how they are feeling? It is amazing what happens when you can be so in tune with your feelings that you can catch yourself. That is, being able to catch yourself before you slide down that slippery slope of negative emotion. All too often, that is the lingering voice of the trauma or previous failure echoing. Being aware of how you feel — and catching that slide early — is a wonderful life skill. It helps you acknowledge with integrity what is really happening within you while redirecting your course of action toward something better. If you think about it, just choosing a feeling that is better than the negative feeling you are holding moves you one step closer to moving past that “thing” in your life. What a gift to give yourself!

And so… again… What’s holding you back? Whatever it is, the time is now to move ahead and Create the Life You Love!

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here.