self sabotage – Page 2 – kristifowler.com

Move Past

Move Past the Opposite of Motivation

Meet Mitch.

Mitch is someone I met a long time ago, a master of self sabotage. Mitch is addicted to struggle. Nothing is easy in his life. Things are always complicated. He believes that life – MUST! – be difficult in order to be lived. Nothing is ever easy. He says he has never had a good day. He is addicted to feeling bad. For him, to feel good would actually be scary.

Mitch wonders why he’s not married yet.

Hmmmm.

I won’t be calling on Mitch for motivation tips anytime soon..

If you’re like Mitch, it’s time to consult a life coach. Is there anything more limiting to a human being than believing you have to struggle through life? Where did we come up with that idea anyway? Seriously… Who says life has to be a constant struggle?

I’m here to tell you it doesn’t have to be. It’s the result I help lead each and every client to everyday. It’s the job of any life coach.

To get ahead, you have to embrace getting unstuck. The idea of struggle is exactly the opposite of the idea of motivation. And I prefer motivation. Living the metaphor of struggle day in and day out is a recipe for misery and loneliness. Any success coach will tell you that.

I have my own phrase for folks I encounter like this now.

They think life is a Mitch.

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
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Move Beyond

Move Beyond the One Thing NO ONE Wants to Admit

It pains me to even write the word.

Victim.

Have you ever been one?

Perhaps. And if so, I have no doubt that a flood of memories as to how and when you were came racing to mind.

And now for the tough question: Have you ever been guilty of having a “victim mentality”?

It’s self sabotage. It’s the one thing NO ONE ever wants to admit.

And yet I see it all the time in people around me – at the store, casual friendships, and sadly, clients.

This is a tough one and I struggle to write this blog today because it is such a difficult issue. I don’t want to write off how you may have been victimized. All I want to say is that you can’t stay there.

A success coach advises you to look inside yourself and find out if you suffer from a victim mentality. Here are ways to identify a victim mentality:

When you are the one always being wronged.
Nothing good happens to/for you.
If the worst is going to happen, it is going to happen to you.
The idea of “poor me” enters your thoughts.

I learned something a long time ago from my sister, Kim and this is a lesson you might pay hundreds of dollars to your life coach in order to learn. She was severely burned and it wasn’t her fault. She had every right to be a victim and live that out the rest of her days. However…

The burn community doesn’t operate that way. As I have learned from her and attending the Phoenix Society’s World Burn Congress, there are no victims.

Only survivors.

From there, it’s about moving toward that next thing.

And the next thing is “thriving.”

That’s a much better mentality, don’t you think?

Move Into

Move Into the Blessing of Forgiveness

[youtube width=”600″ height=”450″]http://youtu.be/WagKqYj-L0A[/youtube]

Move Past

Move Past Being Your Own Worst Enemy

There was a time when my son was into Super Heroes. His first idol was Buzz Light Year (can you tell what era he grew up in?). After he “matured” (his words) he moved on to the Justice League and the like. I quickly learned at the dinner table that the Justice League had its evil counterparts as well. Apparently, this was called “Bizzaro world” in which things were backward.

We adults partake in Bizzaro world on occasion as we indulge in a little self sabotage. Our “heroes” there are called “Criticism” and “Blame.” They are the opposite of our true Super Heroes, “Freedom” and “Peace.”

Here’s a little free advice from a life coach: ask yourself the following questions. Have you ever been critical of yourself?

Yeah… I already knew the answer to that. Me too.

Maybe I should ask, have you ever held onto a criticism of yourself for days, weeks, months? I hesitate to use “years” because I can feel the sting already.

Don’t you hate it when you are your own worst enemy?

Nothing works against us more than holding onto criticism and blame – and regularly participating in it; self sabotage is never the answer.

Let’s just call this out, okay? Here is exactly what criticism and blame do for us:

They ruin intimacy in relationships.
They remind us daily of the fear we have inside.
They push people away.
They reveal the insecurity we have about ourselves.
They lead us to results we say we don’t want.

That’s quite a list. I’m inspired now!

Not.

Can we be honest and say that when we are critical of ourselves it is a sign that we are angry about something – but haven’t put words to it yet? That’s what needs to be addressed, rather than the parade of criticism and blame in which we tend to participate.

Here’s what your life coach would encourage you to do. Call them for what they are: bad habits that can become addictive if we aren’t careful.

Let me challenge you on this one. I want you to take one single day where you stop the criticism and blame game. Just one day. See what happens. I dare say that if you can’t do it, it is high time to find a life coach.

If you can, blessings on you. How did it make you feel?

It’s about time we stop living in Bizzaro world, it’s time to be our own success coach and get back to the REAL Super Heroes in our lives.

“To infinity and BEYOND!”

Move Ahead

Move Ahead to the Blessing of Letting Go

I don’t know of a greater power in the universe than forgiveness. Any success coach will tell you that.

I’m serious.

I have had my share of tough times (haven’t we all). Some have come my way of some ill-intention or careless choices of others.

And some came my way from people who were just flat-out mean.

There is a certain satisfaction that comes from harboring that feeling you’ve been wronged. You can feel justified in it, somehow using it to explain anything and everything that hasn’t unfolded the way you wanted to in life. At least, that’s what my life coach tells me.

And you might be right.

But that will destroy you in the end.

I’ve heard it said this way: when you don’t forgive, it ends up being the poison you drink hoping someone else will die. In fact, it can be described as an act of self sabotage.

Forgiveness is a process that is about letting go and finding peace. If you were to consult a life coach, they would tell you that it isn’t about releasing someone or something for what they have done to you in the past (repentance on their end requires that). It is about releasing yourself from letting those things ruin your future as well.

You know forgiveness is an issue in your life when you can think of the person or event that happened and you get upset, angry and/or anxious. It’s time to stop this self sabotage.

That poison doesn’t taste too good, does it? Kind of reminds me of the old Mr. Yuck sticker. Perhaps we should bring that back and slap it on those areas of our lives we haven’t quite healed from yet.

Let it go, my friend. Let it go. Practice forgiveness. Practice release. Pay heed to the wisdom of a success coach and just let go.

You’ll find a whole new world of peace awaits…

Uncategorized

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[youtube width=”750″ height=”500″]https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G5bzERRSrmE[/youtube]

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Move Ahead

Hit That ONE Degree in the New Year (Move Ahead!)

Remember the day you finally put up a shingle and launched out on your own with your, own company, mindset, and mission? You were completely dedicated to the task, anxious with anticipation that the road ahead – while challenging – would bring the rewards for which you were looking. You imagined “success” and went about doing whatever needed to be done to find success on that road. And, truth be told, you have had success… and failure… and just about everything in between. What you did not expect that first day you launched was the “in between,” especially as it relates to the ever-present feeling you have come to live with: the idea of constantly being overwhelmed.

Do you ever feel like you have so much going on you don’t have time to do anything?

Do you feel overwhelmed by the to-do list that just seems to be getting longer?

Do you feel so stressed you don’t feel like you can focus or get the things done like you used to?

That day you launched before “overwhelmed” set in seems a long, long time ago…

This is a very common feeling for business owners. When your life is threatened by the never-ending to-do list (that is, the life you dreamed of living), you must address it and find a “new normal” in which to exist. After all, isn’t the reason you got into this ownership gig in the first place is in part due to the idea of the life you wanted to live? It is time to reclaim that life again. It is time to understand the concept of “one degree.” Do you know what temperature water boils at? It is 212 degrees. Why does that matter? You can try and try and try, but it is impossible to get water to boil at 211 degrees. One degree makes a huge difference. Without that one degree, you don’t get spaghetti, hard-boiled eggs or even jello. One degree makes all the difference.

This concept applies to your life. There is so much you have on your plate. There are many things you want to do, change, achieve, and complete. You have a list of items that you believe need to get done. If you focus on the “amount,” you will forever be lost in that “overwhelmed” feeling that robs any joy you have left from your business and your life. Instead, focus on one degree. Ask yourself, “What is my one degree I need to focus on today?” And then, do that… and nothing more.

Here’s how:

Look at your to-do list. What is the most important thing that MUST be done today? Get that one thing done today.

If your energy level isn’t there to take on that task, pick the one thing that you would most enjoy doing and do that to get your motivation back.

If you get your motivation back, then tackle the one thing that MUST be done.

In addition, identify one thing that would make you feel better about you (i.e. taking an hour to exercise, getting some rest, having lunch with a friend…). Whatever that is, do that. Remember… this is all about how you feel. In essence, you are saying, “I am giving myself the freedom to take care of me so I can then take care of my business.”

You owning the one degree that demands your attention today adds up over time. You will discover a life that is happier, more pleasing and successful as your “one degree” days unfold as the weeks go by. You will be amazed at the difference it will make in your attitude and the way you feel.

After all, isn’t that what you want – to feel better and enjoy this business you own?

One degree is do-able. You don’t have to do, change, achieve and complete everything. One degree… that’s it.

Believe you can!

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