Move Beyond

Hearing Voices In Your Head… Move Beyond, Part III

 “I will never be good enough.”

 

As a life coach, if I could have a dollar for every time I have heard that phrase come from someone’s mouth… well… let’s just say the stack of dollars would be extremely high.

 

And sad.  It’s time to move beyond.

 

The voice of toxic shame within people is the singular biggest destructive force I know. I remember listening to Dr. David Augsburger discuss this in great detail at a conference once and I was amazed to hear the proliferation of the idea in his practice.

 

I fully understand now his point from my own experience in working with clients. The only good thing to do with toxic shame is to treat it like the farmers do when things are old, tired and broken…

 

Take it out back and shoot it.

 

Toxic shame has no place in your life. It does not serve you. It does not help you, aid you, assist you or get you to where you want to go. It has one job and one job only: to derail you from your goals and dreams.

 

Toxic shame is the idea that you are fundamentally flawed. It is the thing inside you that whispers “You aren’t worth it” or “Who could ever love you?” or “You will never be good enough.” Toxic shame is a lie within you that builds and builds and builds until it feels like truth.

 

Here’s the REAL truth: You ARE worth it. You ARE lovable. You ARE plenty good enough.

 

It is important to understand the difference between the kind of shame I am talking about and the idea of ‘guilt.’  Shame is the force that attempts to destroy your sense of self. Guilt is the radar that lets you know if you’re “off” on something you should have done differently.

 

For example, guilt is when you order that old-fashioned glazed donut to go with your morning Starbucks and you can feel that tinge inside of you – the tinge that knows you are about to do something you know you shouldn’t (“But it tastes SOOOOO good…”). Shame is the whisper going off inside you at that same moment that says, “Go ahead and eat it. It’s not like anyone thinks you are attractive anyway. You might as well continue on your fat journey…”

 

 Can you tell the difference?

 

Successful people refuse to allow toxic shame to dominate their lives. Instead, they replace the voice of shame with a voice of self-appreciation. While it can be a difficult task, I know you can do it. Honestly, if there was ever an issue that was worth hiring a life coach to help you through, this would be the big one. And the reason is pretty simple…

 

You are worth it.

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here
.

​Read More
Move Beyond

Hearing Voices in Your Head… Move Beyond, Part II

 I read a Malcolm Gladwell quote recently and it made me stop and think. He said, “The visionary starts with a clean sheet of paper and re-imagines the world.” I like that.

 

Of course, when it comes to being the visionary of your own life, it only works if you can find a clean sheet of paper in your brain.

 

That’s where culture comes in. So many of us feel trapped by our culture. Or, at least, hindered. The expectations of us, whether real and spoken or imagined and silent, seize any and all time and energy within us to reinvent ourselves. We feel chained to those expectations often – especially as women – and wonder if life will ever be different than it is now.

 

Well… it can be.

 

As someone who measures success based on results, the key to dealing with our cultural expectations is to ask yourself, “Is this expectation producing in me the life I have always wanted?” If anything but a ‘Yes’ results from that question, why would you want to hold onto it?

 

Culture is created by people. Aside from religious beliefs you hold to tightly, family rules you have accepted, or promises your have made, why would you allow anything else to have a grip on the vision of your life? Create your own culture. It is a key component of creating a life you love.

 

Have you ever thought about the culture you create? I’m sure you have spent time thinking about the culture you live in or inherited or ascribe to… but have you consciously thought about the culture you create for you?

 

I’ll admit, there are cultural influences and forces at play that neither you nor I have control over. Oh well. Honestly… those have a lot less power in our lives than we tend to think they do.

 

My husband is a big John Wooden fan and he shared with me a quote from Coach Wooden that I LOVE. Coach said, “Do not let what you cannot do interfere with what you can do.”

 

What we CAN do is create a culture around us that further enhances a life we love. What we CAN do is put boundaries on outside cultural forces that don’t serve us well. What we CAN do is recognize the voice of culture in our heads and determine if that voice is truly who we really are and want to be.

 

Choose what you CAN do. That’s the culture you want to create…

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here
.

​Read More
Move Beyond

Hearing Voices in Your Head… Move Beyond, Part I

 You ever had someone’s voice stuck inside your head?  You hear it and you can imagine right where you were standing the moment you heard it.  Sometimes, that voice can ring loud and letting go of it can be a little difficult.

 

Like when it involves your family.

 

I hope that your family gave you good things to hear growing up and I hope those tracks play repeatedly in your brain.  If so, consider yourself grateful.  More often than not, I coach clients who didn’t get to hear those types of things. The words they have heard from their family have caused damage and even derailed pieces of their lives for years.

 

Whose voice is in your head? (Joan Sotkin has a great article on this… http://prosperityplace.com/listening-to-your-inner-voice/).

 

Our goal is to live from our own voice… our own space… our own understanding of ourselves. However… if too many other voices occupy space in our brain, our own can get drowned out very quickly. It is hard to hold onto yourself when you are holding onto everyone’s else opinions of you. Even beyond that, it is hard to find your voice when you have practiced listening to someone else’s for so long.

 

I love my mom. She’s great. But we are definitely different. As I became my own woman, I found myself often at odds with her voice in my head. Her convictions weren’t necessarily mine. Her beliefs weren’t necessarily mine. Her views on who a woman should be in this world weren’t necessarily mine. And while neither of our views are better than the others’, I found myself often conflicted over my own thoughts of myself and who I was supposed to be. Was my mom right? Am I right? How do I know the difference?

 

Finding your voice amidst a sea of voices that cascade on you every day may be the greatest awareness task you will face. I am thankful that I was successful in finding my voice within me. In my role as a success coach, I find that this is often one of the first tasks that I work on with clients. I help them become aware of what they are thinking and help them identify whose voice that really is. If it is authentically their own, we can celebrate and move on. If it isn’t… then some work needs to be done.

 

Track yourself today. When those thoughts pop up that get you derailed or send you down the slippery staircase, ask yourself: “Is the voice I am hearing that echoes this thought really mine?”

 

If the answer is “Yes”, embrace it. If the answer is “No”, acknowledge it, set it on the shelf, and move on.

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here
.

​Read More
Move Beyond

Move Beyond the One Thing NO ONE Wants to Admit

self sabotage

It pains me to even write the word.

Victim.

Have you ever been one?

Perhaps. And if so, I have no doubt that a flood of memories as to how and when you were came racing to mind.

And now for the tough question:  Have you ever been guilty of having a “victim mentality”?

It’s self sabotage. It’s the one thing NO ONE ever wants to admit.

And yet I see it all the time in people around me – at the store, casual friendships, and sadly, clients.

This is a tough one and I struggle to write this blog today because it is such a difficult issue. I don’t want to write off how you may have been victimized. All I want to say is that you can’t stay there.

A success coach advises you to look inside yourself and find out if you suffer from a victim mentality. Here are ways to identify a victim mentality:

  • When you are the one always being wronged.
  • Nothing good happens to/for you.
  • If the worst is going to happen, it is going to happen to you.
  • The idea of “poor me” enters your thoughts.

I learned something a long time ago from my sister, Kim and this is a lesson you might pay hundreds of dollars to your life coach in order to learn.  She was severely burned and it wasn’t her fault.  She had every right to be a victim and live that out the rest of her days. However…

The burn community doesn’t operate that way.  As I have learned from her and attending the Phoenix Society’s World Burn Congress, there are no victims.

Only survivors.

From there, it’s about moving toward that next thing.

And the next thing is “thriving.”

That’s a much better mentality, don’t you think?

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here
.

​Read More
Move Beyond

Move Beyond the Word “Just”

Results come from being motivated in the right way.  And the word “just” doesn’t motivate anyone… Take a look…

[youtube width=”600″ height=”450″]http://youtu.be/gAYt-ZH1Y-8[/youtube]

Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
– Connect with her on Facebook here for her tips & inspirations.
– View her coaching packages that will empower, encourage and equip you… click here.
– Enjoy Kristi’s free downloadable ebook here or purchase her book here.
– To book Kristi as a speaker for your group or conference click here
.

​Read More