As a life coach, if I could have a dollar for every time I have heard that phrase come from someone’s mouth… well… let’s just say the stack of dollars would be extremely high.
And sad. It’s time to move beyond.
The voice of toxic shame within people is the singular biggest destructive force I know. I remember listening to Dr. David Augsburger discuss this in great detail at a conference once and I was amazed to hear the proliferation of the idea in his practice.
I fully understand now his point from my own experience in working with clients. The only good thing to do with toxic shame is to treat it like the farmers do when things are old, tired and broken…
Take it out back and shoot it.
Toxic shame has no place in your life. It does not serve you. It does not help you, aid you, assist you or get you to where you want to go. It has one job and one job only: to derail you from your goals and dreams.
Toxic shame is the idea that you are fundamentally flawed. It is the thing inside you that whispers “You aren’t worth it” or “Who could ever love you?” or “You will never be good enough.” Toxic shame is a lie within you that builds and builds and builds until it feels like truth.
Here’s the REAL truth: You ARE worth it. You ARE lovable. You ARE plenty good enough.
It is important to understand the difference between the kind of shame I am talking about and the idea of ‘guilt.’ Shame is the force that attempts to destroy your sense of self. Guilt is the radar that lets you know if you’re “off” on something you should have done differently.
For example, guilt is when you order that old-fashioned glazed donut to go with your morning Starbucks and you can feel that tinge inside of you – the tinge that knows you are about to do something you know you shouldn’t (“But it tastes SOOOOO good…”). Shame is the whisper going off inside you at that same moment that says, “Go ahead and eat it. It’s not like anyone thinks you are attractive anyway. You might as well continue on your fat journey…”
Can you tell the difference?
Successful people refuse to allow toxic shame to dominate their lives. Instead, they replace the voice of shame with a voice of self-appreciation. While it can be a difficult task, I know you can do it. Honestly, if there was ever an issue that was worth hiring a life coach to help you through, this would be the big one. And the reason is pretty simple…
You are worth it.
Kristi’s passion is to equip and encourage busy women to move easily to the next level of their life and dreams.
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